I admit it, sometimes I can be blunt. We all can. I think we are the most blunt about subjects we are passionate about, for me that is a lot. We are most outspoken and the least fearful of objection about issues that matter the most in our lives.
Take for instance my constant quest for people to get the respect they deserve at work. Just today I watched a co-worker modestly explain that she had taken care of a large portion of work on a Saturday to her team captain. The team captain heard her say the words, "I finished that on Saturday", and didn't even miss a beat he just kept talking over her. I had to interrupt; it was rude but I did it.
Mw: I hope you know she was in here ALL DAY on Saturday working on this project.
TC: Yeah, that's nice.
Mw: Aren't you the job captain for this project?
TC: Yes, why?
Mw: Because you should be thanking your team mate for giving up her personal time to come in on a Saturday and work on this project. You didn't even acknowledge her hard work!
TC: (To my friend) Thanks for coming in, so what are you working on right now?
? Serioulsy?
I feel my blood boiling when I hear conversations like that one. No one should ever expect someone to work on the weekend and if they do it should be verbally expressed, "Hey thanks for giving up one of the two days we give you a week to come in here and do some more work." Is that asking too much?
I don't like to see people taken advantage of, I don't care who it is, but when it's a friend or a family member then I'm even more heated about it, and yes I can be blunt about it.
But is being blunt bad? To me being blunt is being honest: This is how I feel about xyz. All of us search for the truth, but do we really want to hear it? A former professor once told me after a studio crit where I gave a classmate some constructive criticism the following anecdote:
"Marianne there are front door people and there are back door people. You are a front door person. You want people to be direct and not beat around the bush. Now "Natalie" here is not a front door person, she is a back door person. She wants you to approach indirectly, you know, to spare her feelings?" I had my "Aha" moment.
I try to analyze my friends and I'm pretty sure most of them are back door people, too. Tailoring my vocabulary to accommodate them is sometimes challenging and I slip up from time to time and then feel bad for being a jack ass. Deep down we all want to think we are front door people but sometimes, the truth hurts. In the end we have to ask ourselves as the conveyor of the communication, are we a better friend for telling the truth? Or are we only doing ourselves the favor and not considering our friend's feelings when we speak honestly?
Everyone has heard themselves say the phrase, "Tell me honestly, do I....."
We want to be the strong person that can handle it, but we all have feelings and when they get hurt our ego crumbles. Do we really want to know if we have a big nose? Or how our butt really looks in those jeans? Are we asking the question in hopes of getting the confidence boost we really want or the valuable opinion of a friend that we really need?
A few years ago I was in a rough relationship. During one of the many talks to repair the relationship I decided to ask some hard core questions. I demanded hard core answers and you know what, I got them. It was more then I had imagined I would have gotten for an answer. To this day I will never forget asking the questions I asked and hearing the responses I received. They will always be en grained in my memory. I learned from this a valuable lesson: When you're down you're down and there is no reason to try to dig even further. Though I had been given the truth it really only served to further hurt my feelings, crush my self esteem and question my trust in people.
I believe everyone deserves the truth, but sometimes we just don't want to hear it nor should we.
So, the next time someone asks your "honest opinion" remember this and respond wisely with both your conscience and your heart. And most importantly know if your friend is a front door or a back door person.
Work Hard-Play Harder-Laugh the Hardest
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