A Life Without Passion

"Enthusiasm is one of the most powerful engines of success. When you do a thing, do it with all your might. Put your whole soul into it. Stamp it with your own personality. Be active, be energetic and faithful, and you will accomplish your object. Nothing great was ever achieved without enthusiasm."
— Ralph Waldo Emerson

Has anyone ever asked you what your passion was? And if so, did you have an answer, a real answer?

I think all of us have a "passion" for something but sadly I don't think everyone discovers what their passion is in life. It's easy to see how that can happen, too. Life is busy. Work, Family, Gym, Friends, Social Commitments, Social Activities, Errands, Facebook...the list goes on and on. We have so many things competing for our time and energy.

I like to think of our energy supply as an organic mass. This mass has a known quantity. Which means someday our energy will run out when we leave the earth. All of us will die one day and with that our mass of energy will have run out. If someone gave you a calendar for all of the days you have left in this world, say a calendar that had the next 40 years lined out for you, would you change the course of your activity on a daily basis? Would you fret over the small stuff, like a clean house? Essentially that is what our life is only no one has given us the calendar. When you think of it that way, why would you ever waste one month, one week or one year not doing what truly makes us happy? This isn't to say we can't be sad or angry or jealous, those emotions are essential to life, too. But it is to say, why do we waste so much time on the fluff?

When someone gives a eulogy at a funeral they are usually one of the people closest to the deceased. That person has the honor and the duty of being the last individual to ever speak on this person's behalf. Have you ever thought about who would give your own eulogy? Or one step further, what would that person say about you? We take time to fill out on-line dating applications that make us answer questions like, what three words would your friends use to describe you? But have we ever sat back and looked at their answers in order to understand how we are perceived from the outside? We hope that they use good words. We hope that the person giving our eulogy says nice, honest and truthful things. (I can't say I've ever been to a funeral where they didn't say nice things.) You hope that those closest to you, who really know you, know what you're passionate about.

So why do we waste so much time on the fluff if we know our calendar has a limited number of days? Why do we get worked up over details that will have no consequence in the future or on someone's view of us? No one started a eulogy with, "Wanda was a really nice person. She had a really clean house, drove a really nice car and her bathroom had a huge marble tub. And her china, well it was just beautiful and her silver was always polished perfectly. Oh, and in the summer we all go out on her boat, she has a great party boat!"

Why don't you hear these things in a eulogy? Because they don't matter; they're fluff. None of the stuff we surround ourself with can go with us nor does it define us. And if you're friends ever use those phrases to describe you, then you should really evaluate the relationship because they don't know you, just your stuff. What does matter is how you treat people and how you treat yourself. People may forget your words but they never forget your actions. Did you help your friends out when they needed it? Did you support family who were going through tough times? Did you take care of your family? Did you give yourself solely for the benefit of another without any alterior motive? Did you take care of yourself? Were you a happy person?

Did you find your passion?

Life gets swept up by the constant "to do" list. Finding your passion should never be on that list.

I hope that if there is one trait people will remember me by it is that I'm genuine. Sincerity is one of the most important qualities in a person. Always knowing what is real in life, what is important and what really matters, can never be underestimated.

Work Hard/Play Harder/Laugh the Hardest and live with Passion!

If you have ever felt such tremendous enthusiasm and desire for something that you would gladly spend all your waking hours working on it, that you would happily do without pay, then you have found your passion.
-- Sharon Cook & Graciela Sholander

Deal Breakers: Help or Hindrance?

What's a deal breaker in a relationship? I asked this question of several people recently and got a variety of answers. If you've watched the show Seinfeld you know Jerry had a lot of deal breakers. There was the woman with the big hands, the woman who wore the same dress all the time, the soft talker and the girl who's toothbrush he dropped in the toilet. All of these seem pretty trivial but they are not too far from dating reality.

The challenge with deal breakers is separating the small stuff from the big stuff....like:

Biting Nails

Chewing with your mouth Open

Excessively Licking Your Lips


There are things that strike a chord in us and we sometimes think we could never date this person, ever. Like they say...they have:

Murdered someone

Sold drugs to children

Starred in a pornographic film


Do deal breakers really exist or are they just an excuse for not being attracted to someone? When we analyze details about people we're essentially judging them. We're judging that their behavior, actions or physical appearance are not what we consider acceptable for a partner. (Please note, I'm just as guilty as anyone of doing this and I'm trying to understand my own deal breakers.) When we look at another's table manners or bad shoes or bad teeth, are we really feeling detracted from that person or their bad shoes? Where do we draw the line from what is something we can't get passed to something that we can get around? Or are we just making an excuse because we're really not attracted to them deep down regardless of the stone washed jeans?

Does our list of deal breakers get longer or shorter as we go through life? Do we grow more accepting of things as we age and learn to focus on the bigger picture or does the opposite happen? We grow less and less tolerant with each passing year. We get to a point in our life where we decide we want to be single because living with another person is too difficult and requires too much compromise?

In my opinion I think the deal breaker list has a direct correlation to whether or not we think life is best enjoyed with the company of others, (as a couple), or by our self. Some people are completely happy being single so therefore they are less likely to compromise on things. The attitude of, "Why am I tolerating all of this b.s., I was perfectly happy before I was in this relationship." Or do we think, "I really don't like the fact that he plays Dungeons and Dragons at this age, but I'm happy when he's around so I'll accept it."

What about the deal breakers we just can't swallow no matter how hard we try? Like bad breath or snoring. How do you fix something that can't be fixed but drives you crazy. Do you focus on the positive things or do we take these as signs that we're just not a match?

I think when we are attracted to someone, really attracted to them, we possess the ability to look past small things because the feeling of being a couple is greater than any minor pet peeve. Maybe the deal breakers are just a way that our psyche tells us this isn't in the cards because if it was you wouldn't be focused on the fact that he is wearing a Van Halen T-shirt. Instead you would focus on the fact that under that Van Halen t-shirt is a six pack you can't keep your hands off of. You wouldn't focus on the fact that his hands are rough and he has raggedy nails, but the fact that he likes to hold your hand. When you reach the point of loving someone, holes in boxers, nose hair, leaving the seat up, all of that stuff seems to fade away. We have the ability and desire to push the crazy details to the background and focus on what's important and standing in front of us center stage with a big, huge spotlight on it.

They say love is blind. And I believe it.
But I'm pretty sure attraction is deaf and mute.


"Love is a temporary madness. It erupts like an earthquake and then subsides. And when it subsides you have to make a decision. You have to work out whether your roots have become so entwined together that it is inconceivable that you should ever part. Because this is what love is. Love is not breathlessness, it is not excitement, it is not the promulgation of promises of eternal passion. That is just being "in love" which any of us can convince ourselves we are. Love itself is what is left over when being in love has burned away, and this is both an art and a fortunate accident. Your mother and I had it, we had roots that grew towards each other underground, and when all the pretty blossom had fallen from our branches we found that we were one tree and not two."
-St. Augustine


Work Hard/Play Harder/Laugh the Hardest and Love With Your Eyes Closed!
Mw