Will you laugh with me for a season?
Stand by me for a reason?
Or walk with me for a lifetime?
People come in and out of our lives. Some people are just brief acquaintances, some people are stuck with us because they're family and some people are there for the whole ride no matter what happens to us. I like the above quote because it speaks to how relationships can be both transient and permanent, and every one is a blessing.
A week ago I got a phone call at work from my sister Gaby. I knew something was up as soon as I heard her say, "Hi Marianne". (My sister always calls me "Mar", kind of like how I always call her "Gab".) She quickly informed me that our 4-year-old niece Sophia had passed away. My eyes filled with tears and my chest became so tight that I thought I was going to pass out right there in my cube. Over my shoulder I could hear two co-workers discussing a set of drawings and revisions and on the other side of my workstation wall I could hear a project manager getting angry with someone on the phone. And there I was sitting in the middle of both trivial conversations getting news that a life had just ended.
The next few hours were filled with phone calls to family members. A plan was put together to get home and on Saturday I headed north to NY. Along the way I had lots of time to think. My thoughts kept going to Sophia and to my sister Bobbe. Sophia was Bobbe's second daughter and 8th child, her youngest. I knew how sad I felt and I was only Sophia's aunt, I couldn't imagine how my sister must have felt though. Having no children I haven't experienced that type of love. Everyone I know that has kids says the same thing, "you'll never love anything the way you love your children". I believe it without a doubt even though I can't feel it.
I'll never forget the look on my sister's face when I saw her for the first time. It was such a look of emptiness and sadness. I hugged her. I hugged her and told her how sorry I was. We sat and chatted. I let her do most of the talking and I did the one thing I knew I could do, I listened. I listened to her tell stories about Sophia, her routine with her, what she liked to do, where she liked to sit and how she spent her days.
You see my niece Sophia wasn't like most 4 year olds. In fact throughout her whole life and even after she passed into the next one, she remained a medical mystery. Sophia could not see, hear, walk or talk. She was never formally diagnosed with any known disease. She had been evaluated by numerous doctors and specialists and had undergone genetic testing but nothing was ever concluded as to why Sophia wouldn't grow.
It's hard not to question things after an experience like this. Often after something traumatic we find ourselves asking God, "why me?" Though I never heard my sister specifically say this, I'm sure she was asking questions and wanting answers. That's what any parent would do in that situation. I found myself wishing I had an answer for her and her husband. I wish I had the magic words to say that would make them feel better; but I didn't.
When I got back to DC I met up with my girlfriend Marie for drinks. I told her about Sophia. She patiently listened to me tell her story. She then told me a story about a family member and her own personal tragedy that she experienced. At the end she said something very profound to me. She explained that maybe Sophia had done what she needed to do on Earth and her work here was done, like that of an angel. God needed her back and it was time for her to move on and help someone else. That message resonated with me on many levels and made me think of the quote at the beginning.
My sister always referred to Sophia as an angel. Her middle name was Faith and I think that's why she came into all of our lives. I wasn't around her on a daily or even monthly basis but I'm sure my other nieces and nephews as well as my sister and brother-in-law probably gained so many things from living with her. Maybe now they're still discovering all of the gifts she brought them in return for all of the love of they gave to her.
When I think of Sophia I smile. I know she is in a better place and she isn't suffering. I think she is doing all of the things that she wasn't able to do here. I can see her running, laughing and skipping. I think she's happy and healthy. I think this because I have faith.
Though her time with us was short, Sophia's fingerprints left a mark on all of our hearts that will never fade. She was only here for a season but her spirit will stay with us for a lifetime.
Sending stars and smiles to Sophia from her aunt in DC.
Tiny Angels
Tiny Angels rest your wings
Sit with me for a while.
How I long to hold your hand,
And see your tender smile.
Tiny Angel, look at me,
I want this image clear....
That I will forget your precious face
Is my biggest fear.
Tiny Angel can you tell me,
Why you have gone away?
You weren't here for very long....
Why is it, you couldn't stay?
Tiny Angel shook his head,
"These things I do not know....
But I do know that you love me,
And that I love you so".
-Author Unknown
The Cord
We are connected,
My child and I, by
An invisible cord
Not seen by the eye.
It's not like the cord
That connects us 'til birth
This cord can't been seen
By any on Earth.
This cord does its work
Right from the start.
It binds us together
Attached to my heart.
I know that it's there
Though no one can see
The invisible cord
From my child to me.
The strength of this cord
Is hard to describe.
It can't be destroyed
It can't be denied.
It's stronger than any cord
Man could create
It withstands the test
Can hold any weight.
And though you are gone,
Though you're not here with me,
The cord is still there
But no one can see.
It pulls at my heart
I am bruised...I am sore,
But this cord is my lifeline
As never before.
I am thankful that God
Connects us this way
A mother and child
Death can't take it away!
-Author Unknown
"Death is not extinguishing the light; it is putting out the lamp because dawn has come."
--Rabindranath Tagore
