The Vacuum Has Balls, and So Does She!

The source of my story: The Metro
The setting: Metro Center,(aka the armpit of the DC metro system), rush hour

As any avid metro rider in DC knows, Metro Center during rush hour is a cluster. In fact it's the worst part of my commute. Not so much the red line or the orange line, (though the orange line always smells vile), but the transition from one to the other. Tonight like any other night, I follow the cattle call of commuters from downstairs to upstairs and wait to get on the red line. The train pulls up, about a dozen or so of us go to get on, but then we stop. I mean we just STOPPED. I see people twisting and turning and picking up their purses and bags as if playing a vertical game of Twister and wonder, what the 'eff is taking so long?

I then get my turn to "board" if you will, and see firsthand the center of this commuting chaos. (If you've never been on the metro, or any subway for that matter let me take a minute to describe what it should look like: Double automated doors that open in the middle which are opposite to another set of double automated doors that are closed; or at least they should be closed. If both sets of doors are ever open you should pull that emergency handle or get on the big red phone and let the operator know asap b/c you're on messed up train.) Typically people who are getting off in one or two stops will "hover" by the doors b/c they don't want to get stuck in the middle of the train. But the eye of the storm for this bottle necking wasn't a bunch of "hoverer's" it was a woman, middle aged, with a TON OF STUFF.

What kinds of stuff you ask? Let's see she had an enormous suitcase, two large tote bags, a purse, oh and a D Y S O N V A C U U M cleaner!!!!!!!!!!!!

Yes, the vacuum with the "balls". This woman had all of these things, was the first one to jump on the train, (while there were still people trying to get off mind you), and parks herself right to the left of the doors. Every single person from the group I was with had to do the "twist" in order to get around her. How can one person be that ignorant to not see how much of an obstruction they're causing to dozens of other commuters? I didn't get it. Instead I sat there and watched.

You want to know what she did next? AFTER everyone got on, she moved the herd of bags to the other side of the train and blocked the other set of doors. Coincidentally, those were the doors that opened at the next stop. Again I watched groups of strangers do the side step and "shimmy to the left, shimmy to the right" just to get around this lady.

But wait, there's more.

At the next stop, she decides she's sick of standing. So she goes and grabs a seat, not right next to her stuff, not one away from her stuff, she grabs a seat that is 3 ROWS AWAY from her belongings. Yes, I said that right, she was separated from her sh*t by three rows b/c she left all of it, (let's review: large suitcase, two totes and a D Y S O N), by the doors. Her ass was sitting down three rows back and her crap was all up in everyone's face unattended.

I didn't get it! I didn't know if I should be more floored by her audacity to carry such large items on a crowded train during rush hour or her ignorance in leaving them out in the way for anyone to take and for everyone to navigate around? I was tempted to grab it on my way off, wheel it to the middle of the platform and wave to her as she sat there on the train.

Hey Lady with the Dyson: If you have the money to cough up for a Dyson Vacuum, then you certainly have the coin to pay for a cab home. You're a douche who has a vacuum cleaner with a higher IQ than your own.

My two words for you are: Thank You. Thank you for giving me something to blog about. I'm pretty sure the other commuters on the train would be swapping the "thank" for another word though.