R E S P E C T: FIND OUT WHAT IT MEANS

Dear Prospective Employer,

Though I appreciate the opportunity to be invited in for an interview, I think we both know without any hesitation that this relationship just isn't going to work. I feel confident that you will not be giving me an offer but in turn I would like to offer you the following words of wisdom.

For starters, never begin the interview with, "And you are....oh, right, right,...did I tell you to come in today?" It gives one the feeling that you are less then prepared to have a conversation let alone excited about it. Also, when we sit down you should be looking at me and my portfolio, not looking around the room or in your case down the hall. I understand interviewing is not easy, but put yourself in my shoes. If every time I look up and see you look past me in hopes of catching the eye of another colleague to pull into the room, what's the point of me even talking at all? In fact, why the hell did I lug this huge portfolio and 3 sets of construction drawings all the way down here if you're not even going to give me the common courtesy of eye contact. I got more attention from the construction workers on the corner of Connecticut and L walking over here.

Second point: Don't make "uuuu huh" the only response you give as I show you page after page of my portfolio. This is the part where you make comments, ask questions about my work, and yes, pretend to be interested and slightly impressed.

Third point: When you stood up and walked out of the room and then came back in and sat down without even saying "excuse me" or "sorry about that", it kind of pissed me off. I believe I was in the middle of speaking and you WALKED OUT OF THE ROOM.

Fourth point: Bringing people into the interview after it's started without introducing them to me, but handing them a copy of my resume and expecting me to just keep on speaking, is extremely rude. Who are these people and why did you make a point to wave them down and bring them in here? Are we trading horses here? Do you want to look at my teeth, too?

Fifth point: As architects you should be keenly aware of one of the fundamental properties of glass---it's reflective. If you make a weird face or point at me after I've left the room I can still see your reflection in the glass across the hallway. And by the way, you're a jack ass for doing that.

Last point: I think we both knew after the first 5 minutes, or rather the first 5 times I caught you looking off into space, that this just wasn't a good fit. We should have just cut the tie right then and there. You could have gone back to your desk and Facebooked and I could have gone over to Lucky Bar where they have a killer happy hour special that starts at 4 o'clock.

Oh, and one last thing. You may want to refrain from asking someone, (after they've told you they were laid off), if they thought it was performance related rather lack of work. If I did, I certainly wouldn't be broadcasting that to a perspective employer now would I? ("Actually, I was 'let go' because the boss found out I was a closet alcoholic and discovered the bottle of Jack Daniels in my desk. But for the purposes of this interview, I was laid off." wink wink)


Interviews can be fun when you realize the job isn't for you.