Mw-isms: Quotes to Live By

Some days I hear the most random of comments and quotes that I wish I had a videotape to capture not only the way it was said but who said it.

Here are a few that I've collected and have been waiting to share. You may recognize some of them:

"Just because I swear doesn't mean I'm not sophisticated"

"Bitches Get Shit Done!"

"Be Stupid On Your Own Time"

"I literally feel like I could vom all over the place" -drunk metro rider

"Two people drinking constitutes a party, one person drinking
just constitutes an alcoholic"

"Say 'Ma'am' One More Time" -Annoyed women waiting on line at Giant

"Your face makes me want to get violent"

"The first mistake most guys make when trying to pick a women up at a bar is to assume she is less intelligent then he is" -Mw

Patient: "Wow, Dr. Smith is so cute, do you know if he is single?"
Receptionist: "No, I'm quite certain he is married and has three kids."
Patient: "Are you sure? I didn't see him wearing a wedding band?"
Receptionist: "Oh, I'm quite positive, you see I'm his wife!"
(Conversation overheard at my doctor's office; and yes my Doctor was that hot.)

"I realize why the shot is called a Red Headed Slut and not a Red Headed Girlfriend. A girlfriend would never leave you feeling so bad the next morning." -Mw

"Ooooh, they're turning the lights down, now I won't look so bad"

"Nothing good ever happens after midnight"

"Is it ok for a guy to wear UGZ and tuck his pants into them?"
"No, never!"
"But what if it's snowing out really bad?"
"Still, not a good look, trust me on this one."

Girlfriend (eyeing other girl on metro): "Why can't jeans look that good on me?"
Boyfriend: "Because you don't exercise and sit on the couch eating ice cream most nights."
(Que elbow to the stomach by girlfriend)

"The only girl who successfully wore white tights was chasing a rabbit and running late to a tea party." -Mw

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The best thing to come out of the second Harold & Kumar movie...

The Square Root of 3

I’m sure that I will always be
A lonely number like root three

The three is all that’s good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath the vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine

For nine could thwart this evil trick,
with just some quick arithmetic

I know I’ll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality

When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three

As quietly co-waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer

We break free from our mortal bonds
With the wave of magic wands

Our square root signs become unglued
Your love for me has been renewed

By David Feinberg
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My Blog is One Year Old!
Thanks for Reading,
Mw